



Those Gay Republicans have got to learn that 1) they're a joke. There is no fighting from within. 2) The straight Republicans don't like you. They are Republicans probably in an effort to get rid of you. And 3) we still have a little something called the Bill of Rights in which my freedom to type "Gay Republican" as much as I want is protected.
This place...OMG! Kentucky. Lexington - ok, so not a complete dead zone of middle Amerika, but only just. We have a diversity of people, but something about being in Kentucky makes everyone go a bit crazy with religion and republicanism. My roommate is currently in DC with a gay republican. It is after all Capital Pride weekend!
Log Cabin Republicans - what's that about? I get the whole idea of fighting from within the party - similarly I like to think that I'm fighting within the state, but at 33, I think I'm tired of fighting. I think I'm also posting all these pics on my blog, because I'd like to have more of a chance to have the guys in those pics and the kissing, or at least be a part of it.
I never know how personal to get on this blog. I never do. I know, being personal leads to hits, yet leading to hits is sort of a moot point. Because I know boys Google me before they go on a date with me, I tell them I'm a writer, I know they want to verify it. Hell, I've Googled guys but they often, don't have the same unique name. Also employers and clients and this post will never actually go away even if I delete it. I feel like my voice is often different from who I am, for me, they are one and the same, because my words come from the deepest part of me. But the many parts of myself never seem to work just right in the world beyond my keyboard.
Sunday, I was really sad, btwn the never ending rain and the dull spring, my point of being completely overwhelm. I just crashed, watching romantic comedies and movies, saddened that the Housewives are almost off the air, the enormity of my many projects, falling into the strange organizational pattern that involves the planning I do on Sundays. I often draft emails and plan, sort receipts and statagize as soon, sometimes, often not being able to be still.
An NYU student actually took cyber dating to the next level, by creating a virtual bedmate. Sigh. I spent a lot of my weekend wondering about couples. Also about success as a writer. Surviving on my own without the tether of a corporation.
The CA marriage laws have made me ponder about the first. Why I haven't been in a relationship for a while, a real relationship, do I hop into bed with the boy to quickly, do I seem to needy, am I to smart. I've had people break up with me, saying "I'm about to fall in love, so I need to break up." or the other "I think you're husband material." Somehow I spent the weekend watching couples make out at four am.
I normally wouldn't feel this lonely. If my mother didn't remind me all the time, that I can't make it as a writer. Every time I talk to my grandparents, they tell me I can't make it as a writer. They constantly tell me this, every weekend. I can't even tell them I don't have a day job anymore because my mother says they can't deal with change. My father failed at business, my mother failed at business. So they have passed on fear, memories of my fathers many failed attempts at making money haunt me. That is the gorge I look into as I watch my new week and new tomorrow unfold. Yet somehow strangely, when the week starts, and the email starts buzzing and the phone rings and people reach out asking me to work. This fear goes away, is replaced by adrenaline and happiness, by falling into that perfect zone of doing what I love. Yet on the weekend. I am silent, strange and hidden.
