Friday, March 30, 2012

Read: Odd Blood

Image from The Atlantic: Odd Blood: Serodiscordancy, or, Life With an HIV-Positive Partner

As a person who has spent a better part of his life in sero-discordant relationships, both as the negative partner and the positive partner, obviously, this article spoke to me. Read it.

In 1995, I was a sophomore in college and through the boyfriend of one of my best girlfriends, I met E. He was much taller than me with thinner black hair and a penchant for goth and a big barrel chest. It was love very quickly, and after a semester bouncing back and forth between my dorm room and his apartment, I moved in. Six months lately we learned that he was HIV+. I remember the day being one of those days where everything stood out in stark relief to everything else - as though you didn't just see the sunlight on the trees, but you felt it and heard it and smelled it. Sort of like those scenes in True Blood where Sookie is in the Fairy realm...

Fairies, aside...it quickly became a regular marriage. I was young and horny, and E was older than me and scared and so the sex dried up really quickly. And that was a lot of the rest of our relationship. And now that I'm the poz person, well, it seems even harder to find someone to be boyfriends/lovers/partners with. All the poz men I know here either don't want a boyfriend or don't want me as a boyfriend or vice versa. And most men who are neg or in the closet about being poz have taken the stigma of HIV so far into themselves, that the possibility of a happy relationship is not even worth imagining.

I haven't given up hope, but I am sero-sorting.

2 comments:

Chris said...

I just read the Atlantic article. So powerful.

My heart goes out to you. Be strong.

Writer said...

I have my moments, Chris. My inner-mantra this week is that I'm pretty sure (and pretty okay) that I probably won't have any other Lover...maybe little lovers, but not some big the hills are alive with the sound of music Love. :)