Thursday, July 4, 2013

What I Think of When I Think About the 4th Part 2

I probably haven't watched this movie since I wrote down this monologue in 2006. I have it one of the few journals that I have that survived that time. I think the movie meant more for me because at the time I was in a fairly heinous relationship: I was newly positive, I was starting down the slippery slope of alcoholism, but I was also on mood medication and not taking them as prescribe, so I'd go through these moments of withdrawal that typically involved the destruction of several years worth of journals - not just because of the withdrawal but because my boyfriend at the time was reading those journals and using what he read as ammunition in our arguments.

A life without dignity is worthless.

I was born in a refugee camp. I was allowed to leave the West Bank only once. I was 6 at the time and needed surgery. Just that one time. Life here is like life imprisonment. The crimes of the occupation are countless. The worst crime of all is to exploit the people's weaknesses, and turn them into collaborators. By doing that, they not only kill the resistance, they also ruin families, ruin their dignity and ruin an entire people.

When my father was executed, I was 10 years old. He was a good person. But he grew weak. For that, I hold the occupation responsible. They must understand that if they recruit collaborators, they must pay the price for it.

A life without dignity is worthless. Especially when it reminds you, day after day, of humiliation and weakness. And the world watches cowardly, indifferently. If you're all alone, faced with this oppression, you have to find a way to stop the injustice.

They must understand that if there's no security for us, there'll be none for them either. It's not about power. Their power doesn't help them.

I tried to deliver this message to them, but I couldn't find another way.

Even worse, they've convinced the world and themselves that they are the victims. How can that be? How can the occupier be the victim?

If they take on the role of oppressor and victim, then I have no other choice but to also be a victim ad a murderer as well.

I don't know how you'll decide, but I will not return to the refugee camp.

2 comments:

Pier Roberto Giannelli said...

Powerful. I wonder whether the inset thoughts are from the movie or from a journal....

Writer said...

Inset thoughts, Pier? The blockquote is taken directly from the movie. :)