Love Bites, Andrea Zanin and the Heterosexual Paradigm

“Most of us are raised within and completely immersed in the institution of heterosexuality. By this I don’t mean the sexual orientation per se; I mean the paradigm that has us all believing a certain package deal of sexual and gender-related feelings, identities and behaviours is normal and right. Within that paradigm, the prescribed set of behaviours is more or less as follows: you are appropriately gendered for your sex, feel sexual attraction to people of only one sex/gender (the ‘opposite’ one), engage in monogamous or serial monogamous partnership with such people, marry, reproduce and so forth. Sometimes we encounter people or situations that fall outside that paradigm but as long as we can normalize them, we can sort of incorporate them into the paradigm so that they remain comfortable for us. So for example, if your guy likes other guys, that can be seen as something that makes him unique or unusual, but you can still be ‘fine’ with it as long as it doesn’t disturb the rest of the package deal. The problem is that sometimes those unique or unusual people or circumstances are just a bit too hard to normalize, for whatever reason, and that causes us a great deal of anxiety.”

Just Passing Bi

Thank you, Ickaprick & Ironpussy


Nico said…
Thanks for the shout out :)
Nico said…
Just to clarify... that quote comes from Canadian sex educator Andrea Zanin. Her blog is at

Sasha, the sex advice columnist, liked the quote so she used it in her weekly column ( I liked the quote AND Sasha's column so I talked about them both on my blog (

And now they've found their way here

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